This is the third and final step in your journey to overcome your identity crises and rebuild a sound one, one that can thrive with the changes of life. You can read more about identity crisis in this post: The ultimate guide to knowing yourself and building a healthy identity
Now that you managed to liberate yourself, from the idea that you perfectly know yourself in our first step. And managed to activate your physical awareness from engaging our second step, your next step will be to get curious about yourself and simply learn about what you like and what you do not like.
In this step, you need to be like a newborn who is exploring his perception of life for the first time, the newborn doesn’t depend on old memories and judgment, he simply explores using his senses like when he looks at his own hands and then start touching them, tasting them, biting them, he may try to fit one of his hands into his mouth and God knows what else he may do while we are not looking. When the baby does such exploration, he is simply trying to understand what is soothing and comforting for him and what is not, what feels good and what is not. This is how a newborn learns to identify with himself!
Don’t worry I would not ask you to chew on your hand to learn about yourself, it will be fun though. I am just inviting you to get as curious about how you feel as the newborn.
If you will reflect about some of your simple daily habits, you will discover that you do these habits automatically without perceiving what is it adding to who you are.
For example, you may like a specific kind of tea and you always liked it hot, why? Did you try it cold? Yes, when? Did you try different kinds of tea? How did each kind of tea taste like hot and cold? How did it make you feel? If you are fixable and would like to try different kinds of tea hot and cold, what would that teach you about yourself? If you only want to have hot tea and nothing else, what would that teach you about yourself?This example may seem to some people as a small detail, yet trust me when I say that: Happiness is in the small details and so is the devil! You are but the daily habits that you practice.
This example may seem to some people as a small detail, yet trust me when I say that:
Happiness is in the small details and so is the devil! You are but the daily habits that you practice.
The way that you choose and handle a cup of tea reflects the way that you relate to yourself, others and the world.
Hypothetically, let us say that you liked and kept having your hot tea every morning since you tried it 20 years ago with your beloved uncle. This morning you had a bad cold and cannot taste or smell anything, your friend offered you a ginger tea, being loyal to your habit you politely asked him if he can offer you the tea that you like instead.
You drank the tea, could not taste nor smell anything and you felt frustrated because you could not taste anything, you stuck to what you knew and kept loyal to the habit that you picked up from your dear uncle.
Now, how did this hypothetical experience impact your identity? Who you are practicing and showing yourself to be?
In that moment, your identity statement will be something like this: A person who is attached to what he knows and used to (his tea), even if it will impact him negatively in the present (feeling frustrated) because of his past emotional attachment to his uncle. For the same reason, this person will resist what he is not used to (ginger tea) even if it may impact him positively (ginger is known for reliving the cold).
It will be easy to imagine why that person has a lot of emotional vampires in his life for example, after all, he can’t let go a relationship that he is used to even if it’s impacting him negatively, exactly like his relationship with the cup of tea.
What you do, will impact what you sense, which will impact how you feel, which will impact how you think, which will impact who you are becoming and the cycle continues.
I call this cycle the Identity Crafting Cycle, which is part of the Somatic Thinking coaching method. You can read more about it here Somatic Thinking
Understanding this cycle and practicing it will help you build the sound identity that you need, to navigate the changes of life with power and certainty.
Ok, enough talking about the theory and let’s move to action!